Monday, February 25, 2013

To Be Or Not

Guy - "I just had an epiphany."

Girl - "What?"

Guy - "I just had an epiphany."

Girl - "No, I heard you.  What was it?"

Guy - "It is what it is.  Everything just is what it is."

Girl - "Oh."

I just smoked marijuana for the first time.

I am 36 years old.

I feel a little late in the game on this, but I've always been a driven person, and when everyone was smoking weed in high school and college, I was just too driven to even think about it.  Now, my life is set.  I got a great apartment in a centralized, cool neighborhood, a pretty cool wife who likes to do fun things, and a job that pays good money, man.  Life is really great right now.

I know everyone says you don't get high the first time you smoke, and now that I've done it, I totally think that's true.  I think what happens, though, is you're feeling the way everyone else is feeling on a normal, day to day basis.  You've just dropped the chains, smashed the shackles of stress and obligation, anxiety, and can really feel, you know?  Just raw, visceral feelings.

I read this book in high school.  Man, what was the name of it?  It was about animals, but not, you know?  Like, it had animals in it, on this farm, but the animals were just a front for something else.  Symbols.  Symbolism for something greater.  It was about Russia, too.  Good book, just really advanced for kids that age.  I mean, we understood it, but did we really understand it?  You know what I'm saying?  Like, did it really sink in?  I mean, I can't even remember the name of it, so how much did we really learn from it?  I'd like to read that book again, right now, and really make sure I get that message.  Life's too short to skip messages like that.

And messages, man.  They're everywhere.  Look anywhere and there's a message to be learned.  Why is the sky blue?  Because of the way the light bends, sure.  But why blue?  Why did it bend that way?  Man, I just am really aware right now.  I wouldn't say I'm stoned, just aware.  Finally open, you know?

And that book just made me realize I have all these questions, and life sometimes doesn't have all the answers, you know?  Like right now I'm wondering why I can't remember the name of that book, or why things cost money, and did I really eat this entire bag of peanut butter filled pretzels?  Man, no wonder I'm talking slowly.  It's like my mouth is totally sticking to itself.

I'm just so grateful to have food, though, you know?  Some people are starving, and it's not just overseas.  There are people in our backyard that are hungry.  And I just finished an entire bag of this shit.  You know how many people I could've fed with this one bag?  I guess just one.  Since I'm one person and just ate this whole bag.

Oh, man.  I just feel so aware.  In tune.  Alive.  I'm not high, just hyper aware.  And it feels good.  I had a point to this.  It wasn't about the book, but maybe it was.  Maybe the book had a message, or I had a message behind it?  Like, somewhere deep inside me, that book taught me a message that I'm just now remembering.  Like a moral, you know?  I dunno.  I'm just thinking things.  Things. And things?  They just are, and we just need to learn to be. Because that's all we can do, you know?  Oh, shit.  I think I just had an epiphany.  Animal Farm, man!  Oh, wow.  That had nothing to do with the moral.

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