Tuesday, March 5, 2013


Guy Writing On Bus Window With His Finger - "Ha ha ha."

Teen - "Dude, what are you doing?"

Guy Writing On Bus Window With His Finger - "What does it look like I'm doing?  I'm writing on a window."

Teen - "What are you writing?"

Guy Writing On Bus Window With His Finger -"You go to Chicago Public, kid?"

I am the funniest person on this bus. 

Check that. 

I am the funniest person in the city.

I am the life of the party.  The who's who.  He. 

The guy girls want to be with and men want to be.  And the guy, secretly, men want to be with. 

That's me.

I am everything you're not and everything you didn't know you wanted to be, all at the same time.

I answer questions with questions.

I eat dessert first.  Sometimes I don't even eat dinner.

My shit doesn't stink; it deodorizes all nearby air.

Hair stylists say they wish all clients had my manageable, soft locks.

Servers tip me for sitting at their table.  And I do it for hours at a time.

Pick-up lines always work when they leave my perfectly parted lips.

I'm the asshole, the prince, and the frog.  Take your pick.  They're all right answers.

With me, every side of the bed is the right one to wake up on, and my pillow is always cooler wherever my head lies.

I always win the "free lunch" drawing at every generic chain or local restaurant.

Everywhere I go, I leave my mark.  And sometimes that mark entails writing "Suc a dic" on a foggy bus window, kid.

Because I'm the funniest man alive.  And that's what we do.

If you're going to learn something, learn it from me. 

No comments: