Sunday, March 31, 2013


Sister: "No!  No!  I saw one more over there!"

Brother: "I don't see it!"

Sister:  "I saw it over there; keep looking!"

Brother: "I've been looking and I don't see anything!"

Sister: "Keep looking and you'll find it!"

My brother is a dumb, idiot-head moron.

I don't care that he's 5 and in morning kindergarten; he's a moron, and I'm going to torment him for the rest of his life because of it.

Since I am a small genius and master liar, I convinced him there's one more Easter egg left to find in the yard.  BUT - there's NO egg!!!  There is no egg to find!  I ate the stupid egg he's looking for, and even threw the shell all over the ground, and he doesn't even see it.  He's searching for something he'll never find.  Because he's a total, stupidface moron!!!

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than giving a 5-yr-old the run-around.

This morning I told him there was no Easter Bunny.  Because I could.  And, I wanted to crush his soul.  I never even believed in the Easter Bunny but I pretended I did, because I wanted candy baskets and I like wearing purple dresses with pink tights and shiny plastic shoes, and if you don't wear those things, the "Easter Bunny" doesn't come.  He just "hops by your home, and takes the baskets to some other boys and girls".  I'm totally sure, Mom and Dad.  I went along with it anyway, but I knew it was total BS.  Santa, though, he's real.  

Tomorrow, I'm going to walk my stupid, farthead brother to CVS, Easter money in hand, stroll down the half-off candy aisle, and gather as much candy as we can hold.  Then, when we get to the cashier, I'm going to tell him I added wrong, and we don't have enough money for any of the candy.  When he runs out of the store crying like a girly baby, I'm going to buy all of the candy (I'm not stupid, I can add with my iPod app!), hide it in my backpack, and eat it in front of him later at dinner when our parents aren't looking.  Because I'm 8, and I'm a BOSS.

Anyway, I have to go inside now, because my bratty little brother just went and told on me for stealing his money eggs.  If you have a brother, though, you should take it from me and try these things; they're REALLY fun.  It makes you feel like you own the world.

Also, can you trade me that hollow chocolate bunny for this cream-filled thing that's shaped like Jesus?

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